In 2003 my brother died. It was absolutely a shock. He was 43 years old. He had a hard life. For every decision you have consequences. The last 3 years of his life were some of the best since he was probably 14 years old. He has 2 children who miss him so much. He would be so proud of them. They were his greatest joy. My parents have buried 2 children. I think that is a lot to ask of a parent. As siblings we miss them and the opportunities to be a family of 6 kids. But on life goes. We had his funeral. Plans were made. The viewing was hard. My niece leaned in and seemed to memorizing his face. They understood. Grief is hard and a funny thing. It always hurts but changes. Life has a way of moving on regardless of how you feel.
My Uncle wanted everyone to think he was tough and hard. However he was one of the sweetest men I knew. My dad says he learned to whisper in a saw mill. My dad and him couldn't be more different. He was trying to be supportive at the funeral. He, like everyone else in the same situation really doesn't know what to say. Trust me, I'm sorry this has happened, is a whole sentence and honestly it's enough. So my Uncle Lynn sat beside me at the funeral. I had a box of Kleenex at my feet. He was very kind and brave, until.... this song came on...
https://youtu.be/HUj_BMYt5ak
Then he said Oh Shit and reached down and grabbed the box of Kleenex and put it on his lap. Through my tears I chuckled. To me that is the sweetest memory of the day. So many people I hadn't seen since I grew up came to support our family. It meant to world to all of us. Trust me when I tell you don't let a day go by without telling someone you love them. No one is promised a tomorrow. NO ONE!
Then 2 days after his funeral my grandma died. It wasn't unexpected but didn't hurt any less. She was the last of that whole generation for me. She had a wicked sense of humor. I loved her so very much. She is still missed every day. Her funeral was such a mess. People wouldn't work with us to make it the way we wanted. So we had a graveside service with only close family. Because of the mess with the pastor of her church. (she had dementia so she hadn't been in a long while and this pastor didn't know her) we didn't have solid plans. My cousin's and I started Amazing grace and everyone joined in. It was beautiful and my grandma would have loved it. Then my Uncle asked my dad to do the speaking. He mentioned that the week before my dad had buried his son. It took my dad a minute to get it back together. He still remembers that to this day. The funny memory from that day was at the time I always had sour lemon altoids on me. ALWAYS. My oldest brother who smokes was sitting in front of my family. I'm sure he really just wanted to smoke. So when he heard my crinkling of paper without looking back he put his hand up. I put two very sour lemon altoids in his hand. He just popped them in his mouth. He visibly shuddered! I started to giggle. He turned just enough to side eye me. It was all I could do to not really laugh out loud.
You know some times you have had all the sadness you can handle and just have to find joy where you can. The only thing to really do is just put one foot in front of the other. I hope you remember to tell your family you love them. They matter. Even the ones you are not the closest to.
I hope everyone in your world continues to be safe. Peace.
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