Do you remember when you were growing up and your legs would ache? I do! I remember laying in bed crying because my legs and knees hurt so badly. I remember my dad rubbing my legs with his rough, working dad hands trying to make them feel better so I could sleep. I don't remember growing fast or anything, just growing. A few of our boys have done the same thing. Just growing so that they ached. As a mom my heart just broke for them. It was so hard not having anything I could do more then children's Tylenol. I just wanted to make it stop for them.
This past year has made me think of that a lot. What a mess. It feels a lot like growing pains. People I thought were a part of my life forever have moved on. I've had it happen before and I'm sure it will happen again. But I don't like it. It never doesn't hurt. It makes a lot of old insecurities I have resurface. I had to leave it at "I am here if you decide something different". But I hate it. I'm leaning on my Savior and family and trying to just keep going. One foot in front of the other. The move to a small condo I thought was just for a small while has turned into a look that seems to be forever. I keep telling myself that gratitude matters. And I really am grateful. A life altering event/diagnoses for me. I'll be fine but it is a huge shock and does change some things. But.... Then we get to Covid that has brought us all to a screeching halt. For the better part of a year only 2 of the 8 of us adults have worked. Bugs has recently gone back. But it's far from full time. Everyone's plan's and goals are seemingly on hold. It feels very strange. The daily "faith over fear" mantra I do is even getting old to me. I do worry about my parents and my Aunt. They are all that's left of THAT generation. I want us all do our part to keep them safe. I want to see them and hang out without fear! However I really do want my guys to be able to go back to work. We really do want our lives back. Monkey is a Junior and REALLY wants to go to school. He misses his friends. It's really not the same doing choir and chemistry on line. His grades are not the same. Not really confident of the whole online school thing. I am sure we will get through this also, but again, we'd like some normalcy back.
Yesterday we started having family dinners again. Before we moved we used to have them every Sunday. Only football games stopped one of the guys from being there. He works for the stadium doing sound and before that was a season's ticket holder. I have missed my family so very much this past year. As much as possible we have complied with what was asked of us. Soooo my very precious daughter in law expressed to me how much she was missing "us" also. So we are going to start with once a month. Yesterday was the first. It was so lovely! OH how lovely. We laughed so much. We really do enjoy each other. As a mom one of the things we all want is our children to really love and care for each other. Right? Heir Apparent came to dinner after going to a funeral. It was for a former co-worker and friend. We had met her, she was so very kind and sweet. She was 28 years old and died from cancer. Leaving an 8 year old special needs son. A horrible sad situation. Watching Heir make eye contact with each and every one of his brothers and tell them that he loves them was almost more then I could take. My children really do love each other. We have been through a lot this past year, it's not over yet. But in the end all we have is family. And I love mine to the moon and back!
I hope everyone in your world is safe. Peace
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