Tankini

Her Royal Fatness is fat. 

As a mini doxy she should weigh no more than 11 pounds.  Well.... this girl weighs about 18 pounds.  It's my fault.  We don't have a yard and I don't walk her often or much.  ESPECIALLY in the Winter.  I hate walking in the rain.  She is so very fat.  I am just getting back into walking myself after my surgery.  I wanted to go hiking this weekend, but it didn't happen.  So, a walk for the win.  I was outside!  Juniper went with me.  My stride changes with her.  She walks fast but not fast enough.  Her best time was a 21.4-minute mile.  LOL not bad for an almost no legs dog.  She loves walking so much.  She'd rather be in the woods, like me though.  But outside is still good. She can/has slipped her collar, so Monkey and I went to the pet store to get her a harness that fits her fatness. Juniper greeted everyone she could at the pet store.  I admit she is a cutie.  I wanted a pretty harness.     No dice.  So purple it is.  She also got a new collar, but we have plenty of leashes. 

Tomorrow is the first day of Spring.  It should start raining tonight.  Of course.  But the little? tankini and I went walking!  My goal is another day this week.  I can make this happen. 

Get outside if you can!  Totally worth it. 

Peace

Deep ? thoughts

I heard something the other day that caused me pause.  I felt is was rather profound.  You know, one of those things that have so much truth to it.  

There is no hate like Christian love.  

I'm not sure why we as Christians feel so entitled to judge the people around us. Sometimes we have such a holier than though attitude.  I don't think I've ever read a scripture that says we can do that.  I'm pretty sure we are called to love.  Thats it.  

We had a very large and active Youth Group in the church we were attending.  The youth group had some rough kids with the trending hair styles and colors.  They sat up front of the church.  I'm not sure what the pastor could see from the pulpit.  Whatever was going on behind the youth was enough to make the pastor stop preaching and say, you need to check yourself.  These kids are here in church, worshiping the same as you.  They are NOT the only ones in this room that color their hair.  He made a point of looking at everyone.  I was impressed that he felt called to speak out right then. 

 My sister came out as gay after being married and having 3 kids.  My family had to take a big moment and pause.  Growing up in a very conservative Christian home, it did cause us a beat.  BUT when it all came to the end of the day, we wanted Sister to be safe and happy.  We were just called to love her, and the family she built.  She was with her partner for over 20 years when she died.  I know people that haven't stayed married for that long. Even after saying, until death us do part.  Do we have opinions of what people are doing, acting, saying. YES!  But I know for me, I do not want God's job.  Trust me, I have my own past and sin's that I don't want to have everyone around me having a say in.   Trust me, I KNOW.   If you must judge me, please judge me against the person I used to be, an earlier version of myself. I'm sure we are all growing and changing. 

My children are really good people.  I'm proud of who they are.   I know they have all done things that I'm not proud of.  They have made poor decisions.  Who hasn't!  I have told them their whole lives that they can do NOTHING to make me not love them.  NOTHING. Consequences for actions? You bet, But me not love them?  NEVER!  God loves us so much more.  Isn't grace an amazing thing.  Every day is a chance to get it right, do better, be better. 

I think we need to live in a way that makes us look for the good, intentionally. It's very easy to be negative.  To stay focused on the bad, the hard, the frustrating.  I am trying very hard to be positive and looking for the good.  Not in a Pollyanna type of way or in a name it claim it way, but in a I know God is in control kind of way.  I will just continue to do what I can and leave to rest of it up to God.  

Peace

Mother nature is bipolar.

 Yesterday I learned something new.  Don't eat a granola bar in your car right after you vacuumed it.  That was not a good idea.  I even made myself sigh.  Oh well, it's just a car.  I know I will be vacuuming it again. AND that it will need it. 

I have been doing a bit of traveling lately.  The weather has been off and on.  I don't remember a time when the pass between us and my parents has been closed as often as it has been this winter.  The snowpack was almost scary low in January.  Now it's a LOT of snow again. We all need it.  I went out early this month and found I have bulbs coming up in my pots.  I love this time of you.  I forgot to get crocuses this past fall.  I really do want some.  I want some for me and for my dad, brother, sister's graves.  They will be long gone before the first mowing.  

My mom fell and hurt herself. She will be fine.  It just takes time.  My mother-in-law was really sick and was in the hospital.  She's 106.  I didn't expect her to ever go home.  But she did.  That was stressful time to say the least. 

I got see and visit with a friend I haven't seen in forever.  It was so wonderful.  She had her 2 grandsons with her.  The oldest LOVES cats.  He can't have one.  AND my friend is very allergic to cats. So, we went to the local shelter so he could see the cats.  OMW.  Not a great idea.  When our cat is gone, I do NOT want another one.  I don't dislike cats, but I'm done having one.  But OH, there were so many beautiful tuxedo cats.  I love their markings.  They have a room where you can open the doors and pet them. E and I had so much fun petting and loving on them. Then we went into the dog building.  So many dogs. Some were so sad they lost their people.  You can't pet them unless you are interested in them.  Of course there were rooms of puppies.  Those will go first.  I hope all the dogs find a home of their own.  Going there just pulls on your heartstrings. The cats too for that matter. 

Some pictures to show you mother nature at her best. 

A random carrot in a bag of them.  It cracked me up. 

Tete e tetes almost in full bloom. 

Sunset at my mom's. 

One week after the picture below was taken.  Thanks  Mother Nature. 

I love mushrooms.  I find them often.  There are so many different kinds.  These were really tiny.  I love that they are hearts. 

I hope things are good where you are.  If they aren't I know they will get better.  No matter what is happening it's just a season.  Hold those who are dear to you so very close.  

Peace

Don't squat with your spurs on

That is something my dad would say.  My version is Don't put your contacts in right after you brush your teeth.  Minty eyes don't feel so swell.  Just saying. 

A few weeks ago, my sister-in-law and I went on my first "hike" (walk) since my surgery. She picked a really cool place.  Nisqually Wildlife Refuge.  It has a beautiful board walk out onto the water.  The tide was out so mudflats for the win.  It was very cold but no rain.  It was beautiful and felt amazing to be outside.  My foot didn't hurt.  I didn't mind that it was a walk not a hike.  We saw a pair of bald eagles.  Them and hummingbirds are my favorites!  We walked 5.6 miles.  We kept a nice pace but were able to talk. Before surgery I walked 3.5 miles in an hour.  The 5.6 was 2.5 hours.  But we stopped and admired the view, took pictures and looked for eagles.  I would go back there. I think I'd like to try with the tide in for a different view. 

We then went and had a yummy lunch/dinner. It was a Southern BBQ place.  Wendy is still working on finding her way with her new place without my sister.  We did a bit of work emptying boxes and going through things.  It makes me wonder what my people will think while sorting through my things after I'm gone.  We have laughed and shaken our heads, A LOT! I love her and miss her so very much, but I'm calling a spade a spade.  My sister had VERY weird, eclectic taste, in clothes and nick naks and decorations. We laughed and cried.  I hope Chrissy knows how much she is loved and missed. 

On to my happy place, Outside!

I love reflections like this. 

Fungi are so interesting and grow in the most amazing places. 

Do you see it?  The eye and eyebrow?  After Wendy pointed this out, I kept seeing them everywhere.  And faces. It was so fun finding them. 

So beautiful.  I love where I live. Next time I hope this is full of water. 

It was busy but it didn't feel that way.  It was getting a lot busier as we were leaving. 

Mr. and Mrs. Eagle.  I have other pictures, but they were in the trees then.  Someday I will have my paparazzi lenses so I get close ups.  

I loved these 2 barns. 

It really was a great place to start my walking/hiking season off. 

I urge you to get outside as soon as you can.  For me it's a must.  

Peace

Popcorn

 

I have had so many thoughts running through my brain.   I have things I want to write about but I'm having trouble making them all into cohesive sentences and paragraphs. So, popcorn brain for the win. 

In the past week or so I have heard several times in several different ways that God will turn my mourning into dancing. That He will cover me with Joy. That this is just a season.  I know grief never ends but it will change.  Right now, I don't really want the pain to go away, that feels like I am saying I'm done missing my dad and my sister.  I know that isn't the case, but it feels like it.   I know that God see's all my failures and all my flaws and weaknesses. and yet He still loves me and wants to be with me.  I know that to be true, so I know that He can and will carry me through this time too.  

I find when I think the darkness is just never going to end, God sends me a sign that He knows me. He knows my heart.  He knows that I need the details.  I've survived the longest night of the year.  I love that. I will trust that. 

It's still Winter. However, Spring is coming! 

Peace

Sometimes the smell of pine isn't good.

 

In March (I think) I have done what I do for 32 years. I know I started with an itty bitty Skater on my chest.   I love being in customer service.  I really like my clients.  I am really concerned about 3 of them.  They are in poor health, and I know I really help them.  I've had most of my clients for years.  I really do like it.  

Today was a first for me.  Picture if you will, a large, jetted tub.  It's set in the middle of a largeish area.  I have to stand in the tub to clean the windowsill and the back side of the tub area.  As I moved to step out of the tub, it's a wide swing for me.  I was doing it blind, so without looking.  I stepped into the bucket!  At first, I thought I had knocked the bucket over.  It would have been a HUGE mess. Nope, I just stepped right into the bucket!  As it was the pine sol water sloshed over.  I had to run and grab a towel to start mopping it all up.  I was laughing so hard.  Of course, it was me and a Monday. I took my shoes and socks off.  The right one was DRIPPING wet.  Mrs. Client was on a business call.  She muted her mic, and I told her what happened.  She said I could go home.  No, that's not how this works.  It was just a wet foot.  So, I continued on with my day, barefoot.  I have never worked barefoot before. Well at home I have.  Mrs. and I laughed off and on all day.  She said she could totally be the one to do that.  I was going to explain the Myers gene to her, but I knew it wouldn't make sense.  But I laughed in my head.  Seriously all the stars had to aline for that to happen. A giant bathroom, 1 bucket and a size 8 1/2 shoe.   It made my Monday different.  Different is good sometimes.  Everyone that knows me will laugh. It did make me miss my Aunt just a bit more today because she would have laughed hysterically. I know it felt really good to laugh.   

So now my shoe is in front of the heater, hopefully it will be dry by morning. I did put them on to drive home.  I didn't want to take the garbage out and get to my car in bare feet. As I left I made the squish squish squish noise with my mouth as I walked by Mrs. Client.  It gave her the giggles all over again.  So on to a new week.  I hope it's not setting a precedent for the week.  Other then, if that's the worst that happens this week, it will be a good week.  

Peace                 

One small step

 I'm pretty sure I am not ok.  But I will be. I am trying to feel what I feel as it's happening.  It's not in my best interest to try and stuff them. The oddest things, the weirdest things get me thinking.  Of things I can't change, hurts I can't stop from coming.  I'm not sure I have ever felt so alone in my life. There are days I wish I could just turn my brain off for a little while, for a break. 

At my follow up from my surgery I have been released to go live my life.  I get to go walking with a purpose and I can hike when I want.  Now to find my motivation to start.  I will.  The weather will need to get in line with that for me.  I hate walking in the rain.  I can't wait to go hiking.  Not happening in the snow though. 

I heard a song the other day that really just spoke to me.  (I know I have posted several songs lately) What is it about music that somedays reaches where nothing else is?  

God is in this story.  Big Daddy Weave, Katy Nichole

There's torn up pages in this book

Words that tell me I'm no good

Chapters that defined me for so long

But the hands of grace and endless love

Dusted off and picked me up

Told my heart that hope is never gone

God is in this story

God is in the details

Even in the broken parts

He holds my heart, He never fails

When I'm at my weakest

I will trust in Jesus

Always in the highs and lows

The One who goes before me

God is in this story

So if the storm you're walking through

Feels like it's too much and you

Wonder if He even cares at all

Well, hold on tight to what you know

He promised He won't let you go

Your song of healing's written in His scars

God is in this story

God is in the details

Even in the broken parts

He holds my heart, He never fails

When I'm at my weakest

I will trust in Jesus

Always in the highs and lows

The One who goes before me

God is in this story

If it reads like addiction

If it reads like disease

He's the One who frees the prisoner

He's the healer of all things

If it reads like depression

If it reads broken home

He's the One who holds your sorrow

He won't leave you here alone

God is in this story

God is in the details

Even in the broken parts

He holds my heart, He never fails

When I'm at my weakest

I will trust in Jesus

Always in the highs and lows

The One who goes before me

Always in the highs and lows

The One who goes before me

God is in this story (you're in this story)

God is in my story (right here in my story)

God does care about the details, my details.  He gives me grace.  I need his grace.  I am enough.  I will trust in Him.  He is still writing this story.  I don't understand it.  I am not asked to understand I guess, just to trust and follow.  Some days are easier than others. 

Peace